When does a budding romance become an "agreement"?
Hello! I’m new and need some help. I have a question, or sort of a couple scenarios and a then a few questions.
For the following stories, pretend “you” are me.
The first story takes place in Mono World™: You make a friend of an “attracted to” sex (assume female and make it easy on me). This is someone you find attractive, and with whom you share a lot in common interest-wise. You are shy and a slow mover, you don’t ask her to “date” you, but you spend time together, going to movies, meeting for coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, and in ever increasing frequency. It seems quite obvious that she is attracted and interested in you as much as you are in her. Feelings of affection grow. One evening, before you say goodbye, you step closer, and lean in for a kiss, which she returns with passion. And now it’s clear that the relationship is romantic, that you are indeed “dating”. It happened naturally and at its own pace, and it blossomed beautifully. It never felt scripted.
In the Second scenario, you are new to poly. You’ve been married for many years, and you’ve never had a second relationship. So, you make a friend, as before. She’s poly. You tell your wife about this friend you’ve made. You start spending time with this new friend. You tell your wife you are interested in her romantically, but nothing has “happened” yet aside from spending time together and flirting. You’ve met her spouse a few times. She has met yours. They have met each other. Your kids like their dog. You continue to spend more time together- feelings of affection grow, but you have not talked about it explicitly- it seems like you’re both just letting it happen. Then one evening, before you say goodbye, you think about stepping in closer to lean in for a kiss… (cue needle scratching on record). Wait, wait, now what? Your wife knows you are interested and you’ve been given the go ahead, but what about your new “friend” and her spouse? Do you stop now and “have a talk” about it? Do you assume that since everyone has met everyone else that it must be okay? Having a talk about it first seems so unromantic and anticlimactic, like making a business deal or something. What do you do?
Oh please help.