Besides, if you want sex 3 times a week, you're going to be spending an awful lot of time with someone else. Not that that doesn't work for people, it's just no small thing you're undertaking here.
"Awful, small, undertaking" are relative terms...Please try and speak for yourself in these matters.
The world is filled with very sexual people as it is filled with non-sexual people and everyone in between. 3 times a week is normal(friends, family, etc) in my world, and 5 times(actually, at a certain point you really just don't count) a week is average for my own relationships.
Don't make something relatively significant issue seem hopeless because it is such a way in your life. It's unfair to the recipient.
but at the same time I feel lonely and unfulfilled
Your sexual fulfillment is almost paramount to your relationship. Don't give in to social pressures and think that caring about sex is "bad". It isn't, it's important to your human experience as much as water, trust me. You feel unfulfilled because because you aren't getting enough emotionally sensual connection.
Given 5 years of commitment, I don't think "breaking up" is too easy of an option, though you must realize that it is an option as stated above. You have to think about the well being of both of you, you can't leech on someone if the relationship doesn't work out, but fortunately, most relationships CAN work(meaning come to a resolution of where you fit in each others lives) if you put enough intelligent effort into it. <-this ideal is where my personal poly ideals come from.
I suggest you seek an endocrinologist, and a psychotherapist as SOON as you can. I'm familiar with you're husbands affliction, and I know enough about life to say that it can probably be overcome, but he has to want it. Sometimes it can be caused by low counts of prolactine. A common treatment for it is Bupropion
. Without writing a novel about it, look at it like this.
your b/f will be in a much better condition if...
-He is not only "not depressed" but happy and fulfilled in his life
-His bodily chemicals (hormones and proteins) are BALANCED and at the correct level
-His blood deficiencies are corrected.
If he manages to attain the conditions above, it's possible that he won't consider "sex" as a chore, especially if he changes his state of mind on the idea of what sex is. A real life example relative to my situation...
I don't cum during most of my sex...why? I choose not to
-I don't want to get my girl pregnant
-I hate condoms
-I can go again, and again afterwards, and if I embrace the feeling of sex without anticipating a climax sex actually gets BETTER.
-When I DO climax, IT'S AMAZING
This is hard for alot of guys to do. But let's just say for example, I can't feel a "climax". Sex would probably mean a bit less to me, but not too much. I view sex as a representation of love. It's the deepest connection you can have to a personally "physically". And as such, I feel it can be used as spiritual connection when BOTH
parties feel that way. I emphasize both because my g/f as mentioned sex as something special because she's "letting someone "in" or that close" but I feel the guys who were having sex with just sort of enjoyed having sex with her, lol. Sort of a one-sided lame deal imho.
Anyway as said before, I suggest you guys get some medical and psychological help. I feel if you try to improve your relationship that benefits both of you, you can truly figure out if you need a poly relationship or not. I somewhat agree with other opinions that poly shouldn't be an outlet simply because your needs aren't being met. But of course, it doesn't mean it's wrong for you or anyone else to do that. I just feel it's more beneficial if poly starts from a relationship(s) that is already full of fulfillment.
peace & love,