thank you both for your feedback
GS, i was unclear in what i said, my bad :P
in the past, my husband had wanted to try a poly relationship. he said he wanted to find a woman we could both love & be intimate with. he essentially wanted a menage a trois type thing. i agreed to try because i was afraid i would lose him otherwise. obviously, this did not go well & caused a lot of problems. although he did talk about loving this other woman, i think he was also very motivated by sex.
in the present situation, things are different. certainly sex is there & important, but its not the main focus. i don't feel like i'm required to have sex with C, or that she's required to have sex with me. at this time its a long distance relationship, but i think its likely that in the future, she would relocate here. i think its possible & even probable that she & i would share an intimate relationship, & that the 3 of us would as well. however, i don't think this would be happening in the near future, & i'm wondering about finding someone closer to home to sort of "break me in." i don't mean a fling, it would have to be someone i had feelings for. i do have feelings for C, but its difficult to know the extent of them long distance, especially as i've never had that type of relationship with a woman before. sex yes, love no. but i believe i could....
i have been reading about polyamory, & i believe i understand it, at least as much as i can at this point. i don't think i'll truly understand it unless i do it, so to speak- find someone that i love & care for & want to share myself with, at the very least a "friends with benefits" kind of thing for a trial run lol!! i can understand why you thought only sex was involved by what i said, i'm not always good at explaining things
the idea of loving another person in addition to my husband is a little scary, i'm not exactly sure why, trying to figure that out. but it is seeming more like a possibility to me as i see that my husband still loves me, doesn't love me any less, & is happy. i do genuinely love C & trust her & like her, & i can imagine a life with the 3 of us & feel content about it. it might turn out that i'm monogamous after all, but i think i can live with him being poly & be fine
thanks again for your responses ciel & GS *hugs*