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Old 06-03-2010, 01:20 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Alice, welcome and thanks for stopping in and looking for feedback.

I'm going to got out on a limb here and voice a thought.
I think your post helps offer up a good example of the variety of people - and outlooks- that are "discovering" polyAMORY. But it also seems to illustrate where some serious learning is in need.

The term "poly" and the often dropped "amory", has become somewhat of an umbrella term attempting to cover every type of possible relationship that includes more than 2 people. And in truth, that's really a bit of a misnomer. The intent & ideal of a polyAMOUROUS relationship is to build & live something where there's a deep level of caring and integration of everyone's lives. People often use the term "love" even though that's almost impossible to define with language.

But one of the classic boundary lines is determining these types of relationships is whether the relationship is primarily focused on sex - or depth, openness and connection. There's nothing wrong or better either way but it IS important for EVERYONE to have a clear understanding of what everyone is trying to build - or work towards. Because if all are not on the same page in that regard it's going to be a source of confusion, misunderstanding and eventually pain for some or all.

So to try to summarize (in short)..........

What's the REAL objective for everyone here ?

Is it really sexually driven ? That's ok. Call it what it is, everyone agree, and proceed accordingly. It can work fine and be a bright spot in everyone's life.

Is it about something deeper ? Does everyone want to have a relationship(s) where there's more connection, more caring, more integration in each others lives. More totally open communication ?

You need to be crystal clear on this AND in agreement (as much as possible) before you get too carried away.

I suggest you really do some studying on "polyamory". There's a trove of information right here on this forum including references to other net sites, books and more. Do your homework. Know what you are getting into and where you are going.

My thoughts anyway - if they make sense !

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