Originally Posted by dazedandlost
maybe i should listen with my heart and not my mind.
You love with the same heart that you fear with. Listen to your heart and ACCEPT that fear. Realistically speaking, your wife can and might leave you. What are you going to do to make sure that the situation does not head towards that direction?
Your wife was honest enough to admit her feelings about "H". That's one good thing. Her honesty should be met with your trust. If the way you discussed your jealousy with your wife made her react negatively, she just might start keeping things from you. You don't want that honesty to go away. You want to keep that communication channel open and positive.
Why do you think would she leave you? Do you think "H" is filling up a void in her that you're not aware of? Do you think "H" is a better lover? I'm sure you have a lot of questions of the same nature that are unanswered and this is causing your insecurity. Ask her those questions in a non-confrontational way. It will probably help if you met "H" and he himself can probably answer some of the nagging questions that are affecting you emotionally. You asked if you should put your foot down. Maybe this is the time to do so. "K" is your wife and you have every right to demand to get to know who she's spending time with. This is for your wife's safety too. It's time for the three of you to meet and have a "friendly" chat. Showing confidence about yourself and your relationship with "K" will do you good during that meeting.
Like everybody said, take care of yourself. Good luck and I hope you'll get your peace of mind.