Thanks for your replies and stories!
I think Iīm also always been poly, I just didn`t permit myself to be it. I had learned that being "a good person" meant to be faithful to your partner. But I often fell in love with people when I was in a relationship, trying to get through these situations without lying - which has never been an option for me - feeling guilty, and, at the same time, feeling that it has to be like that.
Living this a a lifestyle for me is like breaking free. There is a proverb which says "If you are able to say no, you have to lie less" - I think poly is the positive version of this: If you just stand by your feelings and are able to say yes, you donīt have to lie anymore.
I really like reading all your posts about your journeys