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Old 06-02-2010, 08:36 PM
DD123 DD123 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 19

WOAH! chill please, Thank you for working out what was said, but please dont freak out.

Ok I need to be honest and clarify a couple things. My gfs x-bf is J, NOT D, D is another guy that lives in the same city as J. When we talked BEFORE she went away for the weekend she told me that she would sleep with J while she was there. She also said that she THOUGHT she MIGHT want to sleep with D. My mistake was to think of D as not really an option, because he was not definite. So I chose to ignore D because he was not a definite and because J was all I could comprehend at the time.

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Do you think she could possibly be feeling "judged" by the "poly community"? ... I think that the term "polyamory" CAN connotate casual sex as something people do because they don't know any better.
I can not speak for her but I do NOT think that she is feeling judged, because in the context of our conversation when she said "maybe I shouldnt have" her feelings were more internally based, rather than because of any external force...if that makes sense. Also could you elaborate on the "not knowing any better"? in my head, that says to me that, "if I sleep with this person, Ill be loved and accepted, because I dont know how to socialize with out sex"

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Any opinion I have would be based on my own experiences and the results of them. For me the whole casual sex thing is a "been there, done that" thing that I do not regret. I regret who I hurt along the way, including myself.
There are times when casual sex is not the best idea because it could do more harm than the fun it can be.
Would you please be willing to give an example and say who was hurt and the results of those ppl getting hurt?

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I would suggest that in the case you are talking about DD123, you had your feelings hurt and perhaps she could of approached it differently. She was excited about it and didn't tell you she was going to? This didn't just come up, it was arranged and she didn't tell you it sounds like. She didn't tell you, by the sounds of it, because she thought you might object to her having a threesome. That to me is not responsible. Poly to me is based in responsible non-monogamy, it has it's roots there. Use the poly term as you will to feeling loving in casual sex, but being irresponsible is just plain irresponsible and perhaps why she feels like a slut in a negative sense. She chose to avoid being honest... I remember doing that and it made me feel like a slut too.
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I think it could be the opposite phenomenon at work. Perhaps the DD123's girlfriend thought it would be no big deal to him if the ex's girlfriend joined them. It is also possible that DD123's girlfriend didn't tell him because he might have said "ok" but underneath she felt like she "should" be having a threesome with DD123 and a third person, instead of being the "third" person with two other people.
Like I said before, her x-bf (J) and D are two different ppl in the same city. I knew J was a definite and she did tell me about D, but I chose to disregard it because it was only a maybe. Ds gf and the 3way was not discussed until after it happened. That I think was a spur of the moment kind of thing. This was NOT the first 3way she has had since we have been dating so I cant really object to this one if I didnt object to the other. but in her 3ways she has always been the third, and yes I am a bit jealous because I want a 3way with my gf and a third. We have talked about it, but we cant come up with a third.

I will talk with my gf and make the suggest that she come on and clarify and AT thank you for your feedback, we do talk a lot about boundaries and what we are comfortable with.
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