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Old 06-02-2010, 01:19 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 96

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Do you think she could possibly be feeling "judged" by the "poly community"?

I've noticed a certain, I don't know a polite way to say this - disapproval on this forum and elsewhere toward people who say that they have had casual sex, do not regret it, and would do it again if they had the chance. It seems as though the correct answer to "how do you feel about casual sex?" is "I tried it and it felt so wrong that I will only have sex within the context of a "loving" relationship from now on."

Even though there are probably just as many if not more folks on this forum who enjoy casual sex and are not afraid to say so, I think that the term "polyamory" CAN connotate casual sex as something people do because they don't know any better.

For the record, I am one of the individuals who DID used to enjoy "casual sex", "sport-fucking", "friends with benefits", etc. and while there are certain incidents in which I would have been better off not taking part, overall I do NOT regret it, and would for the most part do it all over again. So, I say to your girlfriend, "Go girl", as long as you are up-front about it with each other, and practice safe-sex.
I've noticed the same thing. I think(and this is only a hypothesis) that it has to do with the perception of poly as being deeply intertwined with sex(which is enough of a perception that I can think of at least one fairly popular podcast that has as its tagline, "It's not all about the sex.") and an attempt to disassociate poly with swinging.

Originally Posted by DD123 View Post

She then tells me that it shocks her at how much of a "slut" she is. When she was presented the opportunity with D and his gf, she was excited and looking forward to it. She tells me that after the fact, she thinks that maybe she shouldnt have done that. I cant speak for her, I can only guess that maybe she feels guilt, remorse, and like she was people pleasing so that she would be liked by D and his gf.

So I am looking for similar feelings/experience from poly ppl. What is too much? What is the line where the cost out-weighs the benefit? is she looking to boost her self-esteem by people pleasing? When is a "slut" too slutty?
A "slut" is too "slutty" when their actions have consequences that they do not want.

The above answer is vague by design. The "slut" in question is the only one who can make the final determination of if he or she was too "slutty". However, the people surrounding them can give their input in regards to the consequences that apply to them.
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