Originally Posted by saudade
(Context: I first shared how I understand 'love' in my life on the second page of replies to this thread. If this post is unduly confusing, you might want to skip back and read it.)
Given that I perceive the love I have for each person in my constellation as a completely unique beast, one which has been built out of all of our interactions over time... I think that's a large part of the incentive for me to be poly.
If every love I had felt like the same love, being monogamous would probably bother me less. I'd be able to find a suitable life partner who I could love and would love me, and that love would feel just the same as my love for any other potential partner, so I wouldn't be missing out by not loving them. I could have all the companionship I wanted for practical reasons (so my husband hates backgammon, but my coworker loves it like I do, so he and I can play once a week), but loving more than one person wouldn't matter as much. It'd just be more of the same kind of love, which would be swell but not of vital importance.
As I actually live, my love with each person in my life is wildly different, and it's hard to pass on connecting with someone I could feasibly build love with because I know it's not something I already have.
Does that make any sense? Does anyone else operate this way?
Makes total sense to me, and is maybe one of the best summaries I've read of my own feelings. It's precisely because
each relationship (and the way I feel about each relationship) is so unique that I find monogamy impossible. If it were all just more of the same feeling, I don't think I personally would have a difficult time being satisfied with only one partner.