It sounds like you are trying to get your emotions in line with your intellect. I think it is possible to do it. I have had similar feelings that you have. Awhile back I was dating a woman and we were both into polyamory. I was very ok with her going out with other women, but I had a hard time when we talked about her going out with another guy.
On some level, I worried that the other guy would see it as a conquest or see that he is getting free sex while I have the burden of household responsibility. I never worried about this when she went out with another woman because I did not feel that another woman was competition because we fulfilled different needs.
Later on with my wife, a similar issue came up. I really thought long about it. I realized that I should trust her not to want to be with a guy who would act like she was a conquest. I also focused on the feeling of compersion. I wanted her to be able to explore and experience all life has to offer. I just want there to be openness and honesty.
It also sounds like you may be turned on by "wife sharing." Maybe you could explore those feelings to see if that helps.
So I think it is possible for you to feel less jealous since it sounds like it comes from insecurity. Just ask your wife what she likes about you. Sometimes that will make you feel more secure and less jealous.