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Old 05-31-2010, 08:02 AM
iconoclast iconoclast is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
Default Stranger needs advice

My wife and I enjoy a close and conservative marriage for 13 years now. Prior to marriage, I enjoyed a healthy sexual life style while my wife remained a virgin until we married in our late twenties. She has always been sexually active and interested but not entirely adventurous. I'd say she's willing, but naive and passive.
While I am aware of sexual trends and lifestyles, mostly through the internet, she has little exposure to them. Therefore, while I've heard of Polyamory, she has not.
At the moment she is beginning an affair with a friend from work. We were mutual friends, but now he is too embarassed to face me. My wife told me from the beginning and I told her to keep our communication open and honest and that I wanted her happiness. She has met with L a few times for romantic interludes, but they were "dirty" in the sense that they have no place to go. I suggested they meet at the house but she refused. I admitted to her that I did feel hurt on one occasion when she went out with L and left me home with the laundry and kids. Finally, I know she does not want to allow him to have intercourse with him (we are very conservative), but she doesn't believe me when I tell her that he will demand it and that perhaps she is using him.
She claims her desires are physical attraction and not love. I am relieved that I am not losing my wife to another. I know they are not compatible for the long term, but I fear she is kidding herself. I want her to be happy, and would prefer she met with a variety of other lovers rather than just L. And I admit that I am conflicted inside.
Why I write: I have a knot in my stomach for days now. I don't want to be jealous, but my pride doesn't want anybody knowing or thinking I let my wife be touched by others. How do I overcome this physical jealousy which I don't like intellectually? Was it fair for me to encourage my wife to go ahead and enjoy an affair, while admitting the hurt in my gut? I pushed my wife into sharing details with me in bed which led to intense love-making -- she was embarassed by this.
In short: Hubby trying to help, doesn't know how. All advice welcome. Thanx.
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