I agree with Autumnal and Ariakas on this one LR, she bugs.... this is what got me going....
"The ideal in a poly dynamic is a sense of family, being on the same team, of everyone having your back, standing by your side, basically everyone should be able to trust the entire group."
I understand that this is her blog, but perhaps it may be best on a forum, when posting something from someones blog, to add that this is her opinion at the beginning of the post and remind the readers that this is the way with blogs? Just a thought, it would of helped me to be reminded of that anyway.
As for you Maca, you are much more communicative than a lot of poly folks I have met in complicated relationship dynamics. I applaud you for how much you actually do communicate on here actually!
So, what I find it interesting about what she says is this....
First of all I find it uncanny that you should post this thread LR and be thinking of this at the same time I posted my thread on "cowboys/girls."
Here is the link.... http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2894
I see so many similarities to my thought process on this, yet different at the same time. I hadn't thought of it in light of your situation. I am not trying to say that anyone in your family is a cowboy/girl but hope you will be interested in how it relates just the same.
I like the points she makes about people not dropping their ego and saying that it's someone else's problem... I wonder if cowboys/girls have this attitude to.
Also the bits about "tolerating" people in a tribe... oh so interesting. I have not come across this, but would have such a hard time with someone like this phantom person. I wonder sometimes what I would do about it. I really don't know. Again, would a cowboy/girl be tolerated and to what point?
I wholeheartedly agree, in a poly tribe/constellation types of poly, it is completely necessary to be not only tolerant but be a team player in terms of the harmony and happiness of the group (synergy). Otherwise, like she says, "itís not strong enough to bare the weight of itself"
I think I might cut and paste some thoughts from here to there... hope you don't mind, they will all be my own.