Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I first heard this kind of thinking in my 1st year philosophy class, and I thought it was phoney baloney. I tried to argue some kind of infinite regression of wants making us ultimately not in control of ourselves. Something along the lines of, even if I can choose to be happy, I can't choose to want to be happy, or to want to want to be happy, etc.
A couple years later, I met a boy a couple years younger than me but who had already done a lot of the "hard thinking" that I had yet to do, and he claimed that you can control your feelings, and he knew because he had done so.
It took me quite a few years to catch up, and honestly it's only been within the past few years that I really started believing it. Deepak Chopra had a way of putting it that helped make sense, but the ultimate "proof" came when I started doing it and it started working, and I realized... "hmm, if it works, then that should be evidence enough?"
Good for you but unfortunately I'm not quite there yet. If I were I would undoubtedly find the whole compersion thing a whole lot easier. I'm at the point of "wanting to to be happy" and succeeding most of the time. There are still times when the old emotions get the better of me and I have to dig out why. It's usually a misunderstanding that we need to clarify or that my partner has pushed the boundaries out without realizing it.
He finally feels accepted for the first time in his life and is enjoying the freedom of being able to explore a secondary relationship. I'm having to accept that the boundaries have to be pretty flexible to accommodate this exploration and I find that difficult at times. It seems like the more I accept the more he wants. But we keep the lines of communication open and our relationship is in a very good space. If this changed I don't know if I could keep "wanting to be happy"