Originally Posted by Ariakas
Because ideally...ok maybe not ideally...you are both using each other for happiness and strength. If it is a one sided need than there could be problems if not discussed.
This type of thing came up in a previous discussion about casual sex. That if both people are using one another for sexual gratification, then neither it's ok, because no one is being taken advantage of against their will.
I'm not sure how much I can extend my belief of that to emotional using.
Part of the reason it seems possible to use each other for sex is that in so doing, you remove your emotional attachment and make it a purely physical arrangement. But if you're using each other for happiness, that seems quite the opposite.
My biggest problem with using someone for happiness and strength is the implication that you don't have them yourself, that you need to pull them from the other person. And that's a burdon to place on someone you supposedly love.
Part of my goal in my marriage is to relieve, as much as possible, burdons from my husband -- not add to them.
Originally Posted by whirlingdervish
I think for me I decided the point is to move from need (usually based on insecurity and such) to enjoyment (which tends to be more egalitarian, compassionate, and mutually beneficial).
*thumbs up* this is awesome!