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Old 05-30-2010, 04:20 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Right off the bat, I would say this isn't unique...ummm its oddly inversed. A number of initial poly situations start out with the guy accepting of the partner dating girls, but not guys....you might have the most unique situation I have read about, simply because of gender reversal...hmmm

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I also firmly believe I wouldn't mind in the least if he dated guys, but he's straight, and therefore not into it. My whole thing is, girls offer me something he can't, and that's one of the main reasons I wanted to open up our relationship. I would understand completely if he wanted to date guys, cos they'd offer him something I can't, could fulfill something for him I know I couldn't. I know it's a moot point, as he's flat out not into guys.
Well at least you know never to bring it up again. This point is virtual useless to mention. My wife would love me to do guys...ain't happening...

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I really want to get to know this girl, hopefully even befriend her. I'd love it if she and I could even go shopping or see a movie or something... I don't want her to feel she has to compete with me, and I don't want to continue fearing the unknown. Ideally, I'd like there to be very little awkwardness between all three of us, and I could feel confident that the two of them can have fun and even love each other without it eclipsing/undermining our relationship. My worst fear is she will try to break us up, or turn him against me somehow. My fiancÚ has assured me he wouldn't stay with someone who tried to do that, but I'm still fearful. As bad as it sounds, I know myself, and know my heart. I know for sure I can love more than one person at the same time and keep my priorities straight. My fiancÚ has never been interested in polyamory until he met me, so I worry he might not possess the same capabilities. The scales might tip in one direction or the other.
All of these insecurities exist because you don't know...aren't sure...why not talk to the parties involved. You might be surprised to find she is open and understands and that poly clicked with him and he likes the idea. In all of its "potential" glory.

You want to get to know her?...so do it ...if she is similar to you, go do something you can both enjoy AND have a discussion...

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I also worry about safe sex issues. I'm more militant about safe sex than my fiancÚ. I've voiced this concern as well, but I really don't want him to impregnate anyone or pass a disease along to me. He and I are clean and fluid bonded, and I want to keep it that way. Maybe if I felt really, REALLY comfortable that the other girl was a.) STD free, and b.) on a reliable form of birth control, I would be okay with being more lax about condom usage. That's a big "if," though.
So you mentioned it, its a potential real rule that has real world application. He listened. Do you not trust him? Did he respond negatively? If he responded positively, you have to trust in your relationship with him. Has he done anything to create distrust...

You can see where I am going with that...

I am in a similarish situation...except I am the guy...
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