Originally Posted by catbird
I'm not sure at all I belong here.
My situation is my wife doesn't relate to me the way I need. She has a tendency to shut me out with book reading. This has been going on for seventeen years now. I try to love her the way she likes. I don't know that she 'gets' love.
It reaches a point where you have to save your own life. In this case find someone who will fill in the blank spaces in your marriage. I'm a faithful kind of guy, really don't like having to do this, but feel I must find someone in addition.
I don't know about that though. There is so much about it that could end in heartbreak. My wife and I have talked though, about the problem. That doesn't help. I don't see an alternative. I have no wish to hurt her. But I want love, and don't think it's asking too much to have.
If one of your threads already discusses this well, I would be most grateful to have it pointed out. I rather gather that cheating on one's spouse isn't what you guys do. If I don't have a place here I understand. Perhaps I need a site for marital problems. I don't know anymore, except that I want love.
Oh, wow. I really am tempted to respond to you not because I am poly, I am not. I was just intrigued by the lifestyle.
I want to respond because your wife sounds like me. I am so sorry....
I did this to two husbands. I just was not into sex, it wasn't either husband, it was me. They had a hell of a time processing that, as did I. I don't blame them...and it wasn't them...wasn't their fault at all, it was me.
I told them this, too. The first tolerated me....and eventually, I left him...long story, and it did NOT turn out well, believe me. I feel guilty about it to this very day.
The second, he had affairs. I left him, actually not because of the affairs, (but I was pissed, actually what annoyed me was the fact that he didn't tell me...I think if he did, and we had a great healthy relationship otherwise..I think we'd still be together) but because of other issues.
He's a good man, I do care for him, but we have no relationship at all, however we are still legally married. I have full custody of our son. He (the ex) lives with a woman who is very nice, and I think they have been together for about-um, 5-6 years?
When I came across this...I couldn't help but think, if we both had known about this, would we have still have been together? I don't know. See, we had other issues...so-not sure.
I have been in therapy for this and other emotional issues....some of it had to do with the lack of sexual desire.
I think perhaps there might be a physical reason, too...not sure. I never really looked into that.
Now, there's no point, I have no SO at the moment. If I ever were to have another one, I'd have to get some tests done...or perhaps they wouldn't care. Who knows?
Would your wife consider this solution- I mean the poly thing? I wish I had any advice...I don't. I just wanted to say that I suppose I could relate in some sort of way? I hope you get the answers and support you need..