The things I have Learned as the Mono
I thought I would chime in on what I have learned as a mono in a Poly World if it is ok with the rest of you.
1. There is a whole world out there ready to be explored. Things can not be simply explained by the black and white morals and conducts that a person learns about growning up. There needs to be an open mind if you are ever going to be a well rounded person.
2. You don't have to be poly to lead a poly life. You don't have to be poly to support a poly spouse or signifcant other. You just have to love your partner. No matter who they are and accept them for who they are. These are not faults. This is just one part of their personality and human traits.
3. Cheating is probably the worst way to enter into the world of Polyamory. But it isn't the end of the world. With hard work and patience you can get through it. But it will never come easy...Ever.
4. You have to know your limits. Don't push yourself further than you know you can go. Even if you think this is what your SO wants. If it is actually what they do want, what they want even more is for you to take things at your own pace and be happy with your progress.
5. Life is about progress. And a mono can make progress in accepting it, even if this is not what they thought they were getting into when they got married. If you love each other enough, you can make it work.
6. Progress is hard. Progress is a bitch. Progress can be painful. Progress is worth it in the end.
7. You can make a best friend out of a worst enemy. You can take someone who hurt you and you were determined to hate the rest of your life and make her one of the number one people in your life. You can cry and resent and curse that person. You can bash her on boards, scream out curse words at her name. But as time goes by, you find yourself missing her when she isn't there. And then you would do anything to make sure she is ok. Because that is how far you have come. Because she didn't give up on you. Because this was never about stealing a spouse. This was about a lifestyle. This was about truly loving the people who are apart of this, not just a chance to have sex and take over what I worked so hard for. And now it is about love and friendship and sisterhood between two people.
8. Double standards suck. Not necessarily for the mono. Because as a mono not dating someone else really isn't an issue. But seeing the people you care about torn apart by double standards really sucks.
9. Sometimes its hard remembering that you are enough. But that is the one thing you must always remember.
10. When your husband is missing another woman, and you are the one holding him, you want to cry. But you don't. You let him cry. And then when he smiles from talking to her, and you know it isn't you, you still smile. You really smile. Because seeing the joy on his face, no matter where it comes from lights up any room and makes you feel good inside. Because you know he is happy and that you are doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is at times. There will be pain behind that smile, but that doesn't make it any less real. This is your life. Embrace it and embrace each other.
11. Walls suck. Try not to let them come up. They suck and they hurt everyone around you. Including those who don't deserve that wall. And the truth is the people you think do, probably don't deserve it either. There are two sides to every story. So look at all sides before you put up any walls. Chances are you will find you don't need them.
12. You still love them. You are willing to walk through fire for them. And because of this you would never change a thing. Because otherwise you wouldn't have your relationship as it is now. And isn't that what you fell in love with? Isn't this the person you fell in love with? You didn't fall in love with the person you wish they were. You fell in love with them. And because of that you can get through anything.
13. Someday I will completely and fully trust my husband again. I know I will get there. Not today or next month. But I will trust him without question again.
Last edited by ak2381; 05-29-2010 at 02:00 AM.