i have to post real quick, cause i have work to do but...While your reading the forums and getting information on polyamory I would recommend keeping a very objective perspective about all the information. Something that's commonly said on here that applies to your situation is, "everyone's poly is not MY POLY
Meaning your subjective experience dictates your own rules for your relationship, and the types of "things you need to tell yourself" as said above
I recommend reading as much as you can possibly saturate yourself with.
Good luck love