I've considered this issue myself; notably lately while trying to make sense of where my Buddhist practice meets my love life. I think for me I decided the point is to move from need (usually based on insecurity and such) to enjoyment (which tends to be more egalitarian, compassionate, and mutually beneficial). Sort of the whole notion of affect and intention deciding whether something is poison or practice. But maybe that's just me.
you can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf