Originally Posted by redpepper
I think you are asking the wrong questions really.
I am not an advocate for moving distant lovers into ones home without a trial period of living apart. I really have seen very few situations where moving someone in that is barely known by one or both partners triad or Vee has worked out. I see no reason why this would be different. Especially with the impending issues that have come up.
You've put a light on one of the underlying issues - I really don't know very much about HOBF to feel comfortable with him. More importantly, I don't have a good fix on what his expectations or views are for the relationship. That in itself is stoking some of my concerns. Frankly, everything I know about HOBF's views are via SO, and she has told me he isn't a great communicator. Some of SO's current frustrations stem from the fact that she has to really dig out what little information she can get from him. So, with that being said, he's really still a stranger who is looking to move in and join our relationship from my viewpoint.
I think he should move near you all and find his own way in your location. Especially if he isn't a fan of being away from where he lives right now. Then he can fit into more of a routine of every day than visits back and forth. You can also establish a relationship with him... something that is essential when someone moves into your house. Who knows, maybe just living in the same area will be plenty for all of you.
Thanks for that piece of advice - that's an option that we haven't explored.
I really appreciate your views on my situation RedPepper. Along with everyone who has chipped in time to express their views, opinions and suggestions, and very kind words (including Grounded!), I have some issues to discuss and ideas to consider with SO. I'm so glad I've found this forum!