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Old 05-27-2010, 02:59 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,716

9. Moving a lover in before they get to know our other lovers and children is just plain a bad idea.... how many times have I seen on here and in my poly life in general, people that have moved their lovers into a situation and it explode in their face.... everyone gets hurt and no one wins. Especially kids... who essentially get ignored in the process and then their parents wonder why they are whiny, misbehave and clingy.... well I can tell you from experience that it's because they want to spend time with you and you are ignoring their given right to bond with you.

It seems it works much better to move someone in after they have become an established person in the community complete with job, friends, life..... and when they are completely settled as a viable member in the constellation.

Again though, this is a skewed point as not all poly relationships include kids, marriages, live in partners etc... I would love to hear other experiences. I can only talk about my own and in no way mean it to be anything other than that.

10. Get to know your metamours. I have noticed that this seems to work out best for the harmony of everyone involved. You don't have to love your metamours or want to spend time with them, but knowing them and their version of poly, has been essential for me to develop deep meaningful relationships with my lovers and my husband. Compersion bursts forth when I know my husbands lovers and appreciate their worth in his life... as it does when metamours know metamours and I allow the space for everyone to get to know each other. I really could have it no other way any more personally.

11. hmmm.... no time for 11. off to work for now.
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