View Single Post
Old 05-27-2010, 02:30 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,647

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Not specifically related to Poly but an observation that applies to any dynamic;

NRE can be invigorating and exciting.

NRE can be a major distraction that makes people forget the day to day stuff such as work, friendships and cleaning our own house LOL!

NRE that involves multiple partners can be a flat out train wreck of steam rolling pace and subconscious disregard for reality when it comes to considering the emotions of others.

Experiencing NRE in the moment is easy and not where the work usually resides.

Reality and logic often crash against NRE like an unwelcome tsunami.
Sure it is. NRE is huge in a poly relationship because of the ripple effect it has. When anyone else is added to a relationship there is a ripple, but that is bigger when there is un-managed NRE involved. The key, in my experience is to tame it and make that ripple as small as possible and respect that the wake it has is bigger than we realize.

In Monogamy, when someone is single that wake is minimal, so there is allowances for us to be complete gleeful idiots in NRE. It's part of our culture through history that when we are young and courting to act on NRE. That first loving feeling is well established over years to be the one that leads us to marriage, babies, shared households... etc. NRE in poly is different.

In poly, at least in my experience, in a family poly environment.... and I would love to hear about any other setting... the first thing that went was my relationship to my son. Or at least the potential for that. I sucked it up pretty quick when I realized the values I have about raising kids were being jeopardized.... he was being affected more than anyone when I met Mono because the time we spent doing mummy/boy stuff was cut drastically...

I was neglecting to create the proper balance that gently encouraged him to become involved in the arrangement. Over time he gradually got used to the idea of Mono on our lives and now calls him his family. In fact this morning he was telling us about an event at school and he wanted to invite Mono to it. Just Mono. But that is a year and a half later and after some intense work and time management.

Now I struggle adding another partner and am taking it very slowly. Especially as she has a family and is establishing her own version of a poly family. There is no time for NRE in all of that except when we are alone together and in brief moments. My biggest struggle is making sure that I spend quality time with my child... because that ripple is a big wave when it gets to him.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote