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Old 05-27-2010, 09:22 AM
Syrus Syrus is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Triangle area NC
Posts: 7

Danny -

Thanks for the reply, my answers are below:

Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
Thanks for sharing your story. In regards to your first question, your feelings are never petty. We are human and are entitled to feel whatever it is that we feel. You said that you and your SO are great at communicating and that's a huge step in the right direction. You said that you and your SO have talked about HOBFs visit in small doses. Any particular reason?
I appreciate the assurances Danny. In the past, I've always had the habit of placing my feelings in the backseat for the "greater good" of the relationship, and then I got some great therapy. I've learned to be up front about what I feel, or at least put those feelings on the table and seek advice. That's really helped me in the communications department, too.

To answer your question, SO feels that HOBF's visit brought up a lot of issues to mentally and emotionally process, and I concur with that thought. So we've talked about what things we can both agree to talk about, leaving the other bigger issues to think over before talking about them. My concern at this point is timeliness -- I'd like to get all the issues on the table as soon as we can.

As far as your second question goes, based off of what I've read, I'd say that HOBF is the one with the issues and concerns that need to be addressed. Of course that's without actually being there. I do commend you for trying to figure out if you're the "red flag" where as most guys would immediately assume it's the other man. That in itself gives me some perspective about your character.
I've had enough knocks in the past to gain some humility and understand that all parties are responsible for resolving a situation, starting with yourself. To that end, I wanted to be careful not to heap blame on HOBF. He does care very much for SO, and they have a great relationship which I'm respectful of, it's just the moving in issue that is the sticky wicket, and that's where I need the clarity to make suggestions that SO and I can discuss.

My only piece of advice has already been stated. In my experience there isn't anything that can't be worked out through good, HONEST, communication. Heavy emphasis on the honest part. Good luck!
It's always good to be reminded about communicating! So thanks for the reminder and your post, and I very much appreciate your thoughts on my situation.

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