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Old 05-27-2010, 07:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Sorry, but I've never been a big fan of ending discussions just because they get uncomfortable and people would rather drop it than finish it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
And as for caps, my apologies, but comparing me to a screaming child seems less than productive. Then again, a screaming child is trying to communicate and imnsho, it is the parents' responsibility to at least attempt to understand the child's pov.
I agree that it wasn't productive. It was a failed attempt at making a statement about you without being accusatory. I tried to phrase it in terms of how it came across ("this action sounds like") instead of judgement on you ("you're acting like"). But it came out sounding like when someone says "I feel like you're a jerk," which is a thinly veiled way of just saying "you're a jerk" and not remotely an "I statement" (I'm using that as an analogy, not implying that you're a jerk).

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
And fwiw, I have never done such a thing in any exchange online (years of experience). This warranted it and you won't convince me otherwise. Insult me if you wish, including thinking that I'm just easily offended. Right now, I'd say you are correct; I'm easily offended--I'm severely wounded by people irl.
You say I won't convince you otherwise, but that never stops me from trying! I really wasn't trying to insult you.

I don't feel that it's ever warranted for intelligent adults to scream at each other. It's a sign that communication has reached complete and total breakdown. That warrants stepping away from the situation, allowing your emotions to settle, and approaching it anew from a different perspective.

Quote:
Apologies for the tone. Funny though, I haven't heard anyone call him out for how he was out of line and he was; no grey area there.
At first, without fully reading the thread, and just going by what TL had "quoted" (which, after reading the thread, I realized was nothing more than putting words in your mouth), I thought he had a point.

Now that I've bothered reading everything, I'm changing sides... TL: you were totally wrong. I couldn't find anywhere that she said she lied to him beyond the initial cheating. This is not, by any stretch, the first poly relationship to begin in cheating, and unfortunately won't be the last. Starting in Post #1, all she said was

Quote:
(bless his heart, since he's not totally ok with it).
Which could be interpreted a lot of ways. In response to TL's initial accusation, she said

Quote:
Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
asked my dh what he thought and he said: "it's a work in progress, we are working towards that. And it's complete informed consent." So I feel it is NOT cheating.
And I agree: Husband says it's informed consent, that's pretty black & white and should have been the end of discussion. Only then TL puts words in your mouth, words I couldn't find in any of your posts:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2
No, you haven't. You admit this in fact. You were DISHONEST with him, and got caught, so you opened up to him. HUGE difference. If you were completely honest with him, you would have told him from the outset.
Quote:
Originally Posted by inlovewith2
He came to *me* and said that bf and I could resume our sexual relationship. Regrettably, bf and I did initially commit infidelity which began the exploration into polyamory, but since then dh and I have been having open dialogue.
She didn't actually say she got caught. It's obvious from the chain of posts that she acknowledges she started on the wrong foot, but since learning her lesson, has become completely open and honest. For pete's sake, her husband was at a poly meet when the whole incident started!
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