it's late so i'm gonna write a little bit. Here's my advice, as always CielDuMatin beat me to the punch for most of it...
first is, figure out what you want!
To elaborate on your list model, since you've most likely done it by now...before making any concrete decisions, really try and understand WHERE she is coming from and make sure she understands where YOU are coming from. What this usually entails is a game of hear-say. Basically, you will repeat her words in your words as you understand them, and vice-versa. Have you ever heard that saying "the best to learn is to teach"? It's like that, if she spouts out what you're getting at in a way that makes you feel she understands, then VOILA, Success!
Second, I understand where you are coming from when talking about equality. I want to be able to tell my partners about my other partners freely and discuss all of life freely to the people I love, as would be expected by solid partners. However...this want makes us impatient.
You see, there's no telling how far along she'll come into the poly dynamic, but for right now things need to go slow. It's OK for her to be going along this journey with you. I know it's frustrating because you feel unease from the uncertainty of the situation. If she's into it, you want her to be really into it. If she's not, you want her to say so. Unfortunately for us, this isn't a realistic goal. This whole process is going to take a long time.
Figure out your boundaries, your wants, needs, and then as time goes by, and as both of you feel more comfortable, things will get easier. Remember, show patience, show honesty, show love. I'm sure you have the hippie dream like the rest of us, but when dealing with the normal world, you have to take it slow. It's ok for her to have her reservations. Make sure though, you evaluate how much of a need or want this is for you. I feel that it would be an absolute need, however if it takes time to develop, that's OK too.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Feel free to PM me or anything. GOOD LUCK!
-"There hasn't been a person i've been with that I didn't love for 10 seconds to 10 years." David Duchovny