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Old 05-25-2010, 11:19 PM
SayYes SayYes is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acroxander View Post
As for the concerns about mono/poly. . . I don't prefer this approach. I don't think that I would be comfortable in that situation, merely because equality is important to me. It's simply an important preference.
I think it's important to realize that equality in this case means each person being free to do what feels right for him or her. If it turns out to be polyamory for you--and your gf is able to truly embrace that--and monogamy for her, that isn't a lack of equality. It's a situation in which you're both having your needs met, and what could be more equal than that?

I have a boyfriend, and my husband has no other significant other and is still uncertain whether it's something he wants to seek out. But our relationship feels totally equal and balanced because we have equal freedom to make our own decisions about the relationships we want (or don't want) to pursue.

I, too, was in the situation where he came around to poly "for me," and I think that's often the case when a relationship is transitioning from mono to poly. To me, the biggest determining factor in whether that works out okay is the question of whether the other person is merely tolerating the situation, or they've been able to truly accept it as a part of who their partner is. My husband never would have come to poly on his own and never would have been the one to push for opening up a mono relationship if he had a partner who was happily mono. But he now says that he can't imagine ever being in a situation where he would expect monogamy from someone, and he feels liberated from his own previous issues with jealousy and possessiveness. He fully realizes that my relationships with other people are not a threat to our relationship, and that his previous jealousy was based on that fear. It's a process, of course, for someone to move from having a totally monogamous mindset to one in which they embrace polyamory fully. But it's far from impossible for it to happen "for" another person.

Good luck! And I'm far from an expert, but I'd be happy to PM if you want to talk to someone who made this transition in the not too distant past.
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