Thank you all so much for your advice and perspectives.
To clarify: We have been seeing each other for a little longer than a year, during which I have been painstakingly monogamous.
I'll try to address it all in one go.
Firstly, none of your feedback struck me as harsh or critical, and I very much appreciate the straight shooting.
Secondly, while I am very much concerned for her well-being and not at all sure if this transition will work for her, I am prepared to deal with the outcome. It would have been much, much simpler to simply tell her this wasn't working, and to send her packing. But I love her, and wanted to share with her what is going on. She's making the choice to try this out with me, and although I doubt that she is really geared for this kind of arrangement, I am willing to give her a chance. That's love, no? I am definitely *not* trying to force this on her, and have been very, very frank with the details of why I think she may have trouble with it.
As for the concerns about mono/poly. . . I don't prefer this approach. I don't think that I
would be comfortable in that situation, merely because equality is important to me. It's simply an important preference.
The DADT policy squicks me out because I am rather deeply opposed to blind-eye scenarios, slippery-slope logic, and faith-based statements, as well as taboo subject matter, and I feel that these forms of "magical thinking" are tied into that policy (this is only my opinion) and I really want no part of an arrangement wherein my lips are sealed. Sharing my joy and talking openly about myself and my loved ones is very important to me.
I'm going to take up the advice about a list of things we want. We'll do that tonight before the Festival. The Festival is bound to be pretty wild, and I think that if left to chance, things may get a little bumpy. We're still feeling out the ideal arrangement for us both, and the details are realizing themselves as we go.
I'll do my best to cover the bases, be super-honest, and responsible with my lover's heart(s).
Also, I definitely do not
plan on pursuing everyone
who happens across my path. Who has that kinda time?
Thank you, everyone for your frank and well-intended words.