View Single Post
Old 05-25-2010, 10:33 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168
Default Red flags?

Originally Posted by Acroxander View Post

There are a few flags popping up for me.
  1. Doing it for you -- I wouldn't call the odds good, but obviously some couples have successfully made the transition without everyone being equally enthusiastic. If it doesn't work because she cannot, after trying, handle you being with other lovers, it was her decision to give it a shot. If it doesn't work because she meets someone with whom she can have the kind of relationship she's looking for, then you might get hurt. If you're willing to risk the latter, I don't think it make sense to decide that she's going to fail without her first allowing her to try.
  2. DADT -- I share all of your concerns about this. It would be a dealbreaker for me, for sure. That said, it may be a place to temporarily compromise on, with the understanding that you two will come back to review it every six weeks or something. She may realise that not knowing what you're up to is actually crazy-making instead of reassuring, and that the silence around it has becoming unpleasantly distancing.
  3. Too easy to find new partners -- I think you're borrowing trouble here. If you're worried about overcommitting, just remind yourself that you don't need to pursue each and every opportunity that may come up. If she one day actually tells you that she feels that resentment, that's the time to address it, but you'll have overcome so many other difficulties at that point it you'll be in a good place to figure it out together.
Reply With Quote