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Old 05-25-2010, 09:28 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by ksandra View Post
I know this is a small thing but I'm feeling so happy about it.
You should be; it certainly sounds like there have been some really positive developments.

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
I think that that totally depends on how you feel about unusual asymmetrical agreements - if they make you happy, then why focus on some undesirable goal like symmetry?
...sure, but it didn't sound to me like ksandra was being made happy with the agreements.

If I agree to some restriction, such as allowing my partner to impose a curfew on me, that I could reasonably predict that I'm going to resent to the point of damaging our relationship, I've made a mistake. If I look back over my relationship history and notice that I keep doing this, then it might be useful for me to adopt a rule of thumb to help me avoid letting myself get to that point.

As I wrote:

Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
I think that it's totally possible to have completely messed-up relationships where every agreement is perfectly fair and symmetrical, and healthy ones when they aren't.
Now, I think that it would be interesting to hear an explanation of why, if two partners are both poly-, symmetry wouldn't be the obvious starting point to then negotiate from, but that's probably a subject for a different thread.
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