Originally Posted by rpcrazy
this may be a troll post but, how exactly can you date someone for a whole YEAR and NOT be at least cool with hangin' out with them frequently :/ I mean, just because he's not "in love"(which it seems it was just an NRE string of events) doesn't mean you have to "break up" and she has to leave and never see you :/ Not to mention, I think it's unfair to say that he has veto power since you BOTH were dating her, so now you BOTH have feelings for her, including you. I don't know...I just don't get the problem here. I mean if I were him, I would just express my feelings of change towards my romantic relationship with her and that's that. I mean dude, you're saying you love her! That would be a big deal to me, if you were my wife/g/f sigh...
"can't we all just get along?" - don king
I'm not sure if you're accusing MY post of being a troll post, or if you're saying that you're behaving like one.
My husband loved her. She lied. Repeatedly. He still loved her, but was no longer IN love with her. It happens, especially when you realize the person you love doesn't truly exist, which is what happened for us.
I've never understood how so many exes stay friends, frankly. With the exception of circumstances that involve children, and then being at least friendly is in everyone's best interest. I have never successfully remained friends with an ex. Usually, this is pretty simple. If I broke up with you, or you with me, there was probably a damn good reason for it... and often that reason makes friendship pretty hard.
I'm not really sure what you were reading, to be honest. A) she was no longer living here by the time he ended things with her for good, and b) he was fine with my trying to be in a vee with her, so what you said doesn't really seem to apply to my post even slightly.
I get really tired of people throwing around the term NRE. We were with her for a year. It wasn't NRE. It was the reality of living with a compulsive liar with borderline personality disorder that created our problems. We desperately wanted to work with her, to help her. She didn't want to help herself, which made any efforts of ours futile and frustrating.
He is my husband. My marriage is my top priority. It was always the case, and she knew that - and in fact, she told us repeatedly that is how it should be and she didn't want to interfere with that. Are you saying that if you had a relationship and your wife asked you to end it because it was emotionally too challenging for her, you wouldn't? He would've ended it for me, and I would've ended it for him. Our marriage comes first and foremost. If it doesn't, why be married anymore?
I was with her for a year. I've been with him for over eleven years. He's been loyal, faithful, trustworthy and an absolute emotional rock for me.
She lied to me repeatedly, withdrew emotionally whenever she was stressed out (which was nearly always) and sometimes let her jealousy (not relationship related) make her say nasty things to me. She didn't own her mistakes and she has serious mental health issues she must address if she ever wants to be happy.
Why on earth would I ever pick her - when she's hurt me repeatedly - over him?
In the end, she and I tried a vee, but after a few days, she wanted out as much as I did. She didn't have the guts to say it until I pushed her on it, but then she admitted she saw no real future for the two of us.
After that, I uncovered even more lies and now I do not speak to her at all. It was hard to be friends with someone I was still in love with, but I tried... until I found out she'd lied about even more things than I originally knew, and at that point I didn't want even a friendship. Why would I be friends with someone who has repeatedly broken my heart? Not to mention, I'd never be able to trust her again, and while I have every reason to feel that way, it's not fair to be friends with her knowing I'd doubt her every word. If you can't forget it and let it go, you have no choice but to move on. It was one too many lies, and I was just done.