Well, It has only been about a week since I agreed to "take him back". Thus far he has changed the status on his dating profile to "seeing someone" and we went out last night on a fancy dress up date in the city. We began some discussions about safe sex and are starting to understand our views about polyamory. There are still alot of discussions and thinking in the future, but it feels like we are on the same wavelength. I am about to put together a list of things I need to see from him (or anyone for that matter) in a romantic relationship. Writing helps me to solidify my thoughts and it will serve as a good reminder for how I feel about things before ( and if) any emotional disasters happen and I can't think straight. I am going to make the list contain deal-breakers, things I need, etc.
I am trying to give some time between discussions and allow things to flow naturally... I don't want to force discussions just to get to some predetermined end point. The way I see it, a relationship is more about the journey and not some destination. This is something I wish I had realized during the relationship with my now ex-husband. If we don't enjoy right now, what is the freaking point?!
One thing that I am thinking about a bit is that the other girl he visited a couple of months ago has feelings for him, and him for her. She is coming to visit again, and I am nervous... Now, he told her (before we became exclusive) that he was not ready for things to become romantic between them, and clarified this with her for the upcoming visit. I do not know her, however, and wonder what HER intentions are.
I am going to meet her and hang out with them and maybe this will help us all with the kind've awkward situation... I have never done this before, and even though this is not a poly situation necessarily, it is definitely beyond something I have done in a previous relationships (talked freely about attractions with other people).
Ack. I have told myself that the best thing to do is act in a way that is cordial and understanding and that I have nothing to fear... but I totally have butterflies in my stomach. I know for a FACT that it will still be too soon by the time she gets here for anything poly... with her or anyone else. I hope (I will call him "ouroboros") ouroboros is truly able to be patient - as absence of this skill is definitely a deal breaker.