Originally Posted by Jluvs
We talked about me putting labels on him. He told me that at the time I mentioned I thought he was submissive, what did he think that it was freeing to him. That he had been embrassed about it and didn't want to admit it.
He felt that it explained a lot of our problems. Number one is that it truly explained our sexual dynamic and took away most of my expectations in that regard. Example, in retrospect why would a man not do as suggested put roses petals on a freaking bed, when he doesn't make a move I don't tell him to. I just wanted one romantic gesture like that in my life.
Just to clarify, being submissive doesn't mean a person can't make a move on their own, or that they need to be told what to do all the time.
Conversely, a submissive who is told to put rose petals on the bed would be more than happy to oblige, in order to please their dominant.
These behaviours you describe sound more like dependency than submissiveness. I'm not saying he isn't also submissive, just that these don't sound like the expressions of it.
As far as giving up on therapy, I wouldn't. The fact that your husband doesn't follow through with it is only more reason to pursue it. If he's as submissive as you say he is, "make him" do the homework.
I also echo the other claims that adding more people into a broken relationship is only going to make things worse. Your relationship needs to be healed from within before it's ready to be shared with others. Otherwise, you're expecting someone to come along and fix you, and that's asking a lot for someone to take on... especially when your husband has shown he won't do the work necessary to make it function.