Thread: Ungrounded
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Old 05-25-2010, 04:59 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
Thanks SC. I completely understand the need to move from Winnipeg. I wouldn't hack it there. Does Saskatoon work well for you?
Saskatoon works GREAT for me. It's wide-open with nothing but flatness on all sides, so the wind blows right through and takes away most fumes. I go to USask, and there are increasingly more areas that are designated "scents-free" which makes a big difference. I've considered approaching the administration to make the entire campus be scents-free, referring to perfumes, colognes, after-shave, and body spray.

My symptoms tend to be light-headedness and difficulty focusing, sometimes dizzy enough that I need to sit down. That's worse with strong cleaning chemicals. Fragrances tend to just give me headaches and light-headedness.

I had a conversation with 'D' this morning. Her girlfriend lives in the US. They've had a long-distance relationship for the better part of 3 years. 'D' said this morning that as a couple, they've decided by August this year to make a decision one way or the other. Either her girlfriend immigrates to Canada and they plan to get married. Or, they break up and move on with their lives.

The way 'D' talked about it seemed so easy. I expressed that I didn't understand how moving on seemed like such an easy option. I really value the close connections I have. Being understood and cared for/caring for someone is something, when it is in my life, that I cherish dearly. It seems like such a difficult thing to achieve and sustain with people. How can letting that go be so easy?! How can things possibly boil down to either/or?
I've never had a long-distance relationship, I don't think I could do it. I mean, I guess with my husband working out of town 22 days a month, it's somewhat LD, but every second weekend is quite a bit more frequent than most LD relationships seem to manage, plus we get those entire weekends together, not just one day. And for some reason, since "my home is his home" it also doesn't feel like LD, just that he's out of town a lot. I have a friend at school whose husband lives in Toronto, and they only see each other at Christmas, spring break, and a week in the summer. I couldn't do that, at least not as a primary relationship.

I also find that I only really build connections with people in person. I can chat with someone for weeks, think we're really hitting it off, and then in one coffee date realize that there's absolutely no chemistry. So when dating online, I usually only "establish the basics" through chat and then push for an inperson meeting as soon as possible. I'm always taken aback when people are like "I'm not ready to meet in person yet, let's get to know each other by email first and see how it goes" whereas I feel it's impossible to get to know each other by email, because everything is edited and lacks body language and vocal expression. Want to know what someone is really like? Take away their Backspace

And don't even get me started on these crazy people who move clear across the country to move in with someone they've only ever chatted with online. Then they're crushed when things don't work out how they expected, whereas I was sitting around waiting to see how long until it blew up...

Sorry, I'm getting completely off-topic here. The point I'm trying to make is that I find it difficult to get "really close" to someone in a LDR and for me, that would make it much easier to "turn it off" than if I saw the person several times per week.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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