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Old 05-25-2010, 12:43 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by whoKnows View Post
I have been married for just over a year to a girl who is poly, I've known this since we met, I am Mono & fine with that for now.
When you say "fine with that for now" do you mean that you're mono now and you might explore poly later? Or do you mean that you're fine, for now, with your wife being poly?

Just to clarify, because the former is cool, the latter is dangerous. Your wife told you she was poly from the get-go, and if you one day decide that you're not ok with it, you can't expect her to change.

We have a clear set of rules to follow when my wife has another person in her life but right now she does not have any lovers. So we're going through a transition period, the problem is that she has been going out once or twice a week looking to meet another guy, this is killing me. She goes out dances, flirts & gets numbers from guys she's interested in, never sleeps with them. Then she will keep in contact with them to see if anything develops. So far after 4 months of this no one has measured up.
I suspect she has always looked for guys this way, not just since meeting you. You may not approve, but it's who she is and what she does. If you try to change that, then what you're saying is you don't accept her the way she is, and you want her to change who she is in order to be more compatible with you. Does that really sound fair to you?

What my wife wants is someone she can have a very casual relationship with, probably meeting once a month, I don't want her to find this in a bar.
I can empathize with this, I really can. When we started exploring non-monogamy soon after getting married and establishing our relationship on solid ground, my husband expressed a desire to pick up random girls at the bar and fuck them. Not wanting to be a hypocrite, I tried to be supportive. But what got to me was the health risks of fucking random people without establishing sexual history. I also felt that I would be more comfortable if I met them first. He said, we would use condoms. I said, well damn right you would. But condoms can break, and even when they don't, there are things they don't protect against. Since my husband and I don't use condoms, that all puts me at an increased risk. I effectively vetoed the "picking up random chicks at bars" idea, in favour of establishing semi-regular fuck-friends to meet his desire for meaningless, casual sex.

Are there any other avenues to help her with her quest?
How did you meet your wife in the first place? If it worked once, maybe it would work again?
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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