Originally Posted by ksandra
In regards to T and the people he sees, I don't mind that he sees them. I get along really well with both of them, I completely ADORE one of them and seeing them together makes me insanely happy. I don't need those restrictions, I asked for some at the beginning but I let go of them several months ago because I realized they were crazy and that I didn't need them to feel secure in my relationship. My only thing for T is that he take a shower between seeing us and practice safe sex. So, some of them come from T wanting equality in rules we had at the very beginning and he hasn't been able to let go of them yet. Sometimes T is feeling better and relaxes the rules, I am seeing J on Thursday and I do not have a time limit as long as I come home. This is new and nice. I think I am going to sit down with T and write out all the rules and we are going to talk about which ones we can start working on. I feel like if I made him follow the same rules that would be a huge step back and totally unnecessary for me.
I think that the people who have pointed out the double-standard/inequality thing would all agree that the solution is definitely NOT a "tit-for-tat" here - it will not solve your dilemma if you simply put the same restrictions on him. All that would do is keep you both from confronting the underlying problems. It would make things "equal" by making him feel worse, not by making you (both) feel better.