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Old 05-24-2010, 10:40 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by kittyb View Post
I have a fairly high libido, and he recently, finally, explained to me that he doesn't enjoy sex. After we talked about why, I went a-Googling and found several pages describing ejaculatory anhedonia, and I told him about it. He was astonished that there was actually a name for the condition and that he wasn't the only one. Long story short, he basically doesn't experience either a sexual build-up or an orgasm to any noticable degree, although he has no problem with the act, physically. But for him, there's no payout, except to please me, so lovemaking is kind of a chore for him.
Something completely unrelated to poly, but may be useful to you nonetheless: Look into Tantra. The main principle of tantra is that it's not about the build-up and the orgasm, which are just physical reactions. In Tantra, there's a focus on energy and feeling each other in a whole new way. You can even do it with your clothes on. Basically, tantra is not about sex, it's about energy. I don't know anything about anhedonia so the condition may persist into tantric practices, but maybe it won't, and could open some amazing doors in your relationship.

Check out the book "Urban Tantra" as a starting point.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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