Thread: Ungrounded
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Old 05-24-2010, 07:54 PM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Oh roly I feel for you. I hear you when you say you are scared and want you to know that, for what its worth, both Nerdist and I are here for you in any way we can be. He totally loves listening to you talk and hearing what you are going through. He appreciates vulnerability and will understand these things. I know, he's my husband. I have lived it.

Take care of yourself and put your dream out there. Its obtainable, illusive at this point, but is obtainable. I fully believe that.
Thanks RP. Your support means a whole lot to me. I totally don't get how Nerdist could possibly be entertained by me fretting and processing everything, but I really love how much he appreciates vulnerability. I wish I could rewind to a time and place when I was solid in myself, sure of my path, grounded, happy, in a routine and say, "See! I'm not always like this".

I'm sure we've all faced times in our lives when everything seems unsure and the people around us need to go through the process along side us. I guess eventually it all settles in one direction or another and everything works out...

You're right. Anything and everything is obtainable. And yes, it seems so elusive and impossible to imagine right now. Everything feels so overwhelming. I just need to spend the day crying and processing...

I know very little of your story, but I do know about chemical sensitivity because I have it. Mine's not as severe as it used to be (thankfully!) but it was definitely a contributing factor when I moved from Winnipeg to Saskatoon. Winnipeg isn't nearly as big as Vancouver, but it was too much for me -- the smell of the cars and perfumes, everyone right on top of each other. Yuck.

Of course, only you can make such a huge decision, but if your sensitivity is severe, it seems like the city isn't really an option no matter how strong your heart drives you there. Daily headaches, nausea... not something I would want to endure, no matter how great the love!
Thanks SC. I completely understand the need to move from Winnipeg. I wouldn't hack it there. Does Saskatoon work well for you?

Mine is not as severe as it used to be either. But, it takes maintenance to keep it where it's at now (and to improve it). I'm used to having headaches most days and ignore them. I'm used to feeling easily tired. The symptoms that scare me are when I start having trouble focussing and remembering things. And when my muscles start to weaken (they used to get paralyzed). So, yes a big part of me - the part that has fought for 7 years to stay alive and healthy - is saying the same thing, "the city isn't really an option no matter how strong your heart drives you there, no matter how great the love".

I had a conversation with 'D' this morning. Her girlfriend lives in the US. They've had a long-distance relationship for the better part of 3 years. 'D' said this morning that as a couple, they've decided by August this year to make a decision one way or the other. Either her girlfriend immigrates to Canada and they plan to get married. Or, they break up and move on with their lives.

The way 'D' talked about it seemed so easy. I expressed that I didn't understand how moving on seemed like such an easy option. I really value the close connections I have. Being understood and cared for/caring for someone is something, when it is in my life, that I cherish dearly. It seems like such a difficult thing to achieve and sustain with people. How can letting that go be so easy?! How can things possibly boil down to either/or?
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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