First things first, I understand your explanation for sharing a nickname, but just realize that it will make things very confusing for people reading your posts. I'm sure you don't share underwear or shoes, and I'll bet money that you have different names in real life. Having your own accounts will help keep things clear for the rest of us.
Originally Posted by Ariakas
At some point...you have to realize relationships will never be about YOU. YOU have to figure out that they involved partners.
Just want to repeat this for emphasis. Forget about the "how do I get her to come around" attitude, which is selfish. Instead, try out the "how do I be the best partner possible so that I can bring peace and joy to the life of the woman I love?" attitude, which is generous.
Also, to pick up on Ari's note about control... From what she's posted, your girlfriend is truly struggling here and wants to support you but is also rightfully trying to protect herself. If you see that as control, it sounds like your own baggage. If she was really trying to control you, this conversation wouldn't even be happening. She would just say "You want to be with other women? Well, FORGET IT BUSTER, not on my watch!"
Originally Posted by MyDemonsMyAngels
Secondly. How do I approach the situation I have created with the introduction of #2. I realize that I am the sole reason why #1 cannot feel comfortable with #2. And I feel terrible that I not only caused pain to myself but two people that I love and care for. What do I do...I don't want #2 to feel like I used her or that I have no regard for her feelings. #2 and I are not speaking as requested by #1... fully understandable...but it doesn't change that it is hard. Again, how do I make things right...without causing any unnecessary pain?
I think all you can really do is say "Shit, I fucked up" and leave it at that. From what I can tell from #1, she'll never be prepared to accept #2 into your life. It's unfortunate, but not all mistakes can be corrected -- some can only be learning experiences.
The best you can do as far as #2 is concerned is ask #1 if it would be alright for you to apologize to #2 for getting her caught up in this mess, to explain that you didn't mean to hurt anyone and you're sorry that your actions caused them all so much pain.