View Single Post
Old 07-22-2009, 05:02 PM
theatergeek's Avatar
theatergeek theatergeek is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Somewhere south of Chicago, IL
Posts: 1
Default How do you introduce your spouse to poly?

Some background on me: I've been married for 17 years, most of them happily. We have our ups and downs, and are blessed with two wonderful daughters.

As far back as, oh, I don't know, 3-4 years ago, I learned what polyamory was. Within the last two years, I learned more about it, and have a good understanding of what it's NOT (swinging, cheating, etc.), and a pretty good idea of what it is (even if I don't necessarily know all of it's variants).

Anyway, some time after a particularly rough period in our marriage, I was reading something in one of her women's magazines about polyamory, and had her read it. She asked if it was something I wanted to do; I indicated it was something I thought was worth considering. Well, nothing really happened after that - which was probably a good thing at the time. Nevertheless I interpreted her lack of further discussion as her not being all that interested in it for her (and not necessarily for me, either).

But that hasn't stopped me from wanted to explore poly further at this time in my life. Our relationship is very good presently, our kids are generally quite happy, and although we'd like to be on better financial footing (who doesn't?), I think none of us really have any complaints: we're in pretty good shape overall.

So I've been doing some searching online, and found a lot of great info about polyamory. What I've NOT found, is ways to broach the subject with spouse/significant other.

How do folks do that? How does one "break the ice" about poly to a long time partner? I'm aware that it will take time, and I need to go slowly. I'm not looking to go jump into anything right away, and I don't have anyone even "in mind" that I'd like to date. But I would like to explore it, and I know I need to be totally upfront about that and honest with my wife. I fear she may be VERY insecure and feel inadequate as a result.

Any pointers / tips / advice?

Reply With Quote