Approaching a new relationship interest
Thank you to all that have responded to my girlfriends post #1. It has helped tremendously. As a couple we have been reading through posts made by others. Her and I keep nothing from one another (even if it is hurtful) so we figured we would share the same member name.
There are a few things that I want to ask. First. I realize that by not listening to #1's boundaries I in-fact cheated on her. Not my intention- frankly I thought she would not mind at all. I thought that by her telling me she felt uncomfortable with me having a sexual relationship she was in tern trying to control my actions and prevent me from being WHO i am. I didn't realize that she truly was not ready- I should have listened. Hind sight...like they say is 20/20. Now, I cannot change the past but I would like to find a way to fix it. I see that many other couples have gone through the same type of issue- so if anyone has any pointers or suggestions please send them my way. I find myself at a loss of what to do because she doesn't let her self see how I am trying to make things better. How can you show someone you love them if they wont let you- because they have a wall up....
Secondly. How do I approach the situation I have created with the introduction of #2. I realize that I am the sole reason why #1 cannot feel comfortable with #2. And I feel terrible that I not only caused pain to myself but two people that I love and care for. What do I do...I don't want #2 to feel like I used her or that I have no regard for her feelings. #2 and I are not speaking as requested by #1... fully understandable...but it doesn't change that it is hard. Again, how do I make things right...without causing any unnecessary pain?
Third. I am interested in another woman. Refer to her as #3. And I was surprised that #1 was accepting of the idea and possibility. #1 did say that things needed to move slowly, and although I am struggling with my inner demons of being "controlled" by another person (especially a woman) I can accept when she tells me she NEEDS things to move slowly. I am sure others have found themselves in this same position... how do you cope with your own demons...and compromising without seeming like your pushing something on someone.... am I making sense?
Lastly. How do you approach a new relationship interest and explain to them the poly lifestyle? I do not want to scare her away or make her think that I do not care just because I care for other women...I want to explain it in a way that makes sense to someone who may be in the dark about this type of lifestyle. (Even though I don't think she is ) I just want to go about it in the right way. Again I do not want to cause any unnecessary pain for myself, #1, #2 or a possible #3....
Thanks for listening.
"Ultimately we know deeply that on the other side of every fear lies freedom"