Yeah, big ouch there. I kinda know what you are feeling. I had a similar experience with Elric and after almost a year of trying to figure things out, we are now, finally, very good friends.
The hardest part for me was putting a stop to the wishing. Wishing he'd email, wishing he'd call, wishing for more. When we finally got to sit down (online) and discuss things, a lot of what was said ended up being the "that's what I meant to say, I'm sorry if it didn't come out that way" type of thing. Basically a miss-communication.
I do have a question or two for you though. You said that you and the hubby told your friend how you two felt, but you didn't tell us her response to your declaration, only the after effects. Another question, is she really bi or is she just comfortable being semi-physical with her female friends?
Personally, I have friends to whom I say "I love you" all the time, that doesn't mean that I want anything more than a platonic friendship or that I find them sexually attractive.
I do wish you luck on your search and especially on getting through your feelings for this other gal. You are unfortunately in a group of searchers called Unicorn Hunters, and that is a very difficult group to find success in. If you don't know about Unicorns, do a search on the forums and you will find a plethora of information.
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.