Originally Posted by justAlover
I did say to this friend's wife that I would like to hear what she thinks and feels when she is ready. I sometimes do wonder if I am being horrible and cruel to put her through such a huge emotional turnmoil.
If you actually can
talk to her it's already a great advantage! If you're afraid of putting her under too much emotional pressure, don't ask her things like "what would you think/feel/do if...", but ask her how she feels with the present situation; whether or not she has objections/fears about you being a close friend of her husband, what she feels when her husband is with you and so on. Assure her that her wellbeing is important to you and that you are no threat to her relationship with him. To give this sort of security is the foundation of trust. Make sure to be yourself and pay attention to all the vibes between the three of you. Good luck!