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Old 05-23-2010, 04:34 AM
SayYes SayYes is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 45

Originally Posted by capricorny View Post
I also wonder what you think is wrong with using the word "multiamory" for that more general sense.

The basic trouble, as I see it, is that if we use that very wide poly definition, we know that it is really too wide, and the very characterization of these "good tools" as "good" imply that we are, in effect, making a distinction between different kinds of poly. IF there hadn't been such an universal agreement - as it turns out - about these "good tools", it would have been futile to talk about a "foundation" of poly. But there is, and making a distinction in romantic non-monogamy between "multiamory" as the more general sense with no real foundations to it, and "polyamory" with a well-defined foundation, but an enormous wealth of relationship forms sharing that foundation - couldn't that be useful?

At least, it is to me.
I guess the thing I have trouble with is the ability to always clearly draw the line between "foundationless" multiamory and polyamory. It seems, and correct me if I'm wrong, that love is one of the things you would see as a foundation of true polyamory. But isn't it likely that many (if not most) people--poly and otherwise--experience both love and also more casual relationships at some point in their lives? If someone is in love with multiple partners but also has the occasional one night stand, are they practicing polyamory or multiamory? If someone ultimately wants multiple loving relationships but is currently single and merely having "foundationless" sex with multiple partners, are they multiamorous until they happen to fall in love? I think that if every individual was looking for either relationships of the committed and loving variety or the "foundationless" variety in a long term, sustained way, then yes, differentiating between those two motivations would potentially be helpful. But it seems to me that what we seek from individual encounters is a lot more fluid than that. Just like there are plenty of mono people who at one point in their lives are looking for no strings attached sex and at another point are open to the possibility of something more serious and at another point might be specifically seeking a long-term partner. I might be misunderstanding the dividing line between polyamory and multiamory, but if my understanding is correct, it seems like an incredibly difficult line to draw.
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