Hey you all,
I think getting one´s needs met is an important part of any relationship. The difference to selfish behavior is the result: Is everyone happier or less happy after talking about those needs?
For example, if I tell my partner: "I´m feeling weak at the moment and I would like to spent more time with you together at home, to reload my battery", and he and I find an agreement we both feel fine with, at the end we are both happier: Me because I have my needs met, and my partner because he feels that I trust in him and we can talk things through together. Furthermore, he has a happier partner.
But if I´m jealous it´s a thought like: "You´re happy, and you´re not happy with me. This makes me unhappy. Change it" This "Change it" means: Stop being happy with the other person, leading to less happiness for all.
For me, compersion also is a process, something I´m learning. I still have feelings like in my second example, and I need a lot of thinking and reflecting to deal with it. But if I really do feel compersion, I notice how it enlightens my heart, so I think it´s really worth the effort!
* Every new love enlarges the heart *