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Old 05-21-2010, 08:54 AM
DD123 DD123 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capricorny View Post
I really fell this "exercise" can be worthwhile for you, DD123. Even in a mono relationship, the relationship could improve if there is some balance in how outgoing you are etc.
Personally I believe that the meaning of life is self improvement. So anything "worthwhile" is totally worth doing!


Quote:
Originally Posted by capricorny View Post
Talk with your partner about what "cheating" would be in your context. A clear-cut secondary relationship could often be viewed as the opposite of "cheating" in polyamory...

A tacit, but really impossible, assumption that often seems to be made in mono relationships, is that the well-being of your partner is mostly or entirely your responsibility... What they forget, is that a mono relationship is NEVER really mono, there are three relationships involved: Your common relationship, and your relationships to yourselves.
Yes I will definitely talk to her about what does and does not constitute cheating.

And we totally understand that. we dont like to use a hierarchy, but her "primary" relationship is with herself, just like my "primary" relationship is with myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Why couldn't the three of you go to the goth club together? You could meet S in a place where they're both comfortable and aren't going to be on their guard as much. Plus you might actually have fun.
Honestly I havent even thought of meeting S until this thread. But now that Im thinking about it, if we met at the goth club I cant help but think that one of us would be a "3rd wheel"... (Im afraid it would be me, but Id prefer it to be S cuz I wanna be special )

Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
Then there's the situation you're in with your gf. I agree that it's worth exploring why you're ok with her sleeping with L and not S (hope I got that right). Maybe L came before you, so somehow this makes it easier for you to palate? Maybe your need to feel special has you wanting her to have met you and want no one since having met you. Someone before you, well, you weren't around yet. Just a thought.
Yes you did get that right and I really think you hit the nail on the head with this one. Please elaborate and tell me more if you can.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
... you have a need to feel special and one way that need is met is by being the only one she sleeps with. This is a very fair request. In that case, maybe poly isn't for you?
I never even heard of poly until my gf. She was raised in a poly home so its totally natural for her, and Im still learning. But I do like the idea of being able to look for a bf while I have a gf. I cant ask her to be something that shes not (mono), and I dont want to loose her because of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
I did notice that the more I accepted in myself that I can (and do!) love more than one person at a time and want to be intimate with them, the more comfortable I felt with my partner(s) being with someone else.
I can totally see myself being more comfortable and accepting if I were more intimate with someone else, cuz its like I dont know until I try it. but like I said before, I feel guilty when I start to be intimate with someone other than my gf. I dont know if I should ask her to wait for me to do that cuz idk how long that will take and it doesnt seem fair to me.
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