My reference point for love is actually a bit unusual, but it's among the truest things I've ever read. It's a speech titled "We Love the Things We Love for What They Are", by Pat Carini, one of the most inspiring educators alive today. (The title comes from a line in the poem "Hyla Brook" by Robert Frost.) It's available in a book titled Starting Strong
, and I recommend it highly.
In her speech, Carini speaks about little acts of creation, building and shaping and relating, that make and remake the world. She explains that those forces are in direct opposition to destruction, death, and hatred. We make and remake our lives everyday.
I make and remake love by acts of will. I choose to attach, to bond, to offer others the same opportunities with me.
The love I have with each person in my life is different, because we've attached differently. One love can be summed up by winding up talking in bed, holding hands instead of having sex. Another makes the most sense in the shower. A third is a hysterical phone conversation, or making out in the trunk of a car.
A fourth means saying, "I love you, you know, and I don't expect a response," and a fifth is "I love you," without much other evidence (these days).
Then there's family loves, and firmly platonic loves, and... you get the idea.
Every bond is different, so every love winds up being different too. I suspect at least some monos feel the same way, but I don't even know if any other polys do.
BTW- whoever said "grok" on here: you're my rock star.