My song... part 2
I had been primarily a poet when I first met my wife at age 17 and she inspired what I had always considered my greatest poem. A fifty page epic. After we split up I turned to music. But I didn't write it, didn't write lyrics, didn't write poetry. My muse was gone. My creativity dried up and I spent 20 years playing other people's music. When I found her again I had a massive resurgence of creativity and wrote her all kinds of music and poetry. Tons of it. That is the reason for my user name on this site. I sing to her.
During our year long courtship, my, now wife, explained that she wanted an open relationship. I never wanted to hold her back and felt she deserved all the love she could get. She was open and honest about her bisexuality. I was open and honest that I just loved her, I always had and always would. I had limited sexual experience and had always been monogamous. I'd only had sex with 3 women in my life. But I accepted who she was. I asked that at least she could not take another man... just my thing I suppose... but I was fine with her being sexually active with other women. Or was I?
About 5 months after our marriage my wife and another women who had been friends/work associates and I started hanging out a bit. This other woman was lesbian. I really liked her a lot. Brilliant beautiful spirit. During these times hanging out it became obvious that this woman was in love with my wife. And I soon realized that my wife was in love with her. The way my wife talked about her it was obvious. The way she agonized over missing her when she was with me. I thought it was sweet and lovely. I told this other woman one night, rather an inebriated evening actually, that I knew my wife loved her and that we had an open relationship and I was fine with it. But this other woman hadn't confessed this to my wife. Until...
We hadn't taken a proper honeymoon after our marriage. We wanted to get married on a specific date, and money and time was a factor. So we were going to go on our honeymoon some six months afterwards. But, prior to going, this other woman told my wife that she had to see her, she had to talk to her. I knew what it was. They went out and sure enough this other woman confessed to my wife that she loved her. Not surprising at all to me. They then made plans for a weekend getaway after we got back from our honeymoon.
So a couple of days later we left on our honeymoon. And it turned out to be very hard. There were some really sweet moments for sure but my wife was in the middle of what I now realize was NRE... and missing this woman. I was bottling myself up about it. My wife and I due to some unexpected financial issues found ourselves with little money and we argued quite a bit about it on our honeymoon. My wife stated that she wished this woman could have come with us and seemed way more excited about her weekend getaway than being with me on our honeymoon. And I sat around wishing that I could say something, but not wanting to get in the way of her love. My wife was talking to this woman and chatting her up on the Internet while I would sit in bed alone. I felt miserable and alone and broke and worthless. I felt like I should have been paying for everything and that my wife was saving her money for her weekend getaway rather than help out with our honeymoon expenses. Our electricity was cut off while we were gone. But during our last day, my wife spared no expense, and we had an absolutely beautiful day. She got us massages and a beautiful dinner on the beach. We took a sweet boat tour around the sea. We had started reading to each other, Love In The Time of Cholera. We always loved to read to each other even as kids. All that beauty returned.