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Old 05-21-2010, 01:11 AM
sumsumsum sumsumsum is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Southwest
Posts: 34

I hope that you are having a WONDERFILLED vacation and enjoying time with your guy.

Your transformation sounds YUMMY and worth the effort!

I know that trust issues are HUGE around these parts. I feel like I have a leg up on that one due to the teachings (and learnings, ugh... the LEARNINGS!) of my earlier years. It is not a new concept and I am SURE that it must be covered SOMEWHERE here in this forum.

But just in case it can be of use to you or anyone else, here it is.

And sincerely, I beg a pardon for the long post.

Trust is never about the other person. Ever.
It is about me (or you, if you like).
It is not that I don't trust my husband, it is that I don't trust myself to be able to handle it if he does _____________ (fill in the blank)

Using this concept has helped me to gain much independence and respect for clear and basic rules where needed.

WHY don't I trust my ability to handle ____________(fill in the blank)?
Once I have the answer to that I can work on creating what I need, IF I WANT AND IF IT IS REASONABLE, to be able to handle __________________ (fill in the blank).

It would take far to much space to go into the finer details of the meditation, but that is the simple basis.

This little meditation has helped me to grow as a person and has, I feel, helped me to make deep consensual relationships that are based harmony and choice, rather than (co)dependency and fear.

I know this goes against the thread of "It takes time to build or rebuild trust" but once I learned to trust myself, I was amazed at how quick, easy and even unimportant that trusting others became, regardless of past breaches of trust.

Sure, there have been situations and scenarios where-in i did not feel safe with someone, but instead of coming from a place of "not trusting" it was from a place of simply not wanting to put up with someones B.S. That is a whole different spin. Very empowering.

A metaphor, I like metaphors.
Lending money. Good advice is to never lend money if you can't live without it's return. I am sure that we all have friends and relatives, that we KNOW are not going to return the money that we "lend" them and we say to ourselves "I will never see that $100 again". And you trust that you can live without that $100 or you choose not to "lend" it regardless of how vehemently the swear that they will pay us back.

Sorry for the ramble!
I will look forward to hearing how your vacation went.

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