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Old 05-20-2010, 08:12 PM
DD123 DD123 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 19

Thank you all so very much for all of your comments! Im happy to have inspired such a dialogue.

Originally Posted by EugenePoet View Post
For many of us the feeling of specialness does not have to be linked to exclusivity. It is a separate thing that we get from our lover's unique feeling for us regardless of the feelings they have for other people.
I kind of get this. An example may help me. My gf makes me feel loved, wanted, needed, cared for, etc. I know that I cant fulfill every need and desire she has, but that doesnt mean I dont want to try and it doesnt mean that I dont get jealous and feel bad that I cant.

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Is she caught up in NRE? (new relationship energy)

I've discovered that I am more easily able to experience compersion now that I have a secondary of my own. It's still not always easy knowing he's with someone else but now I'm able to look at it from a different perspective.
Good question. Ill have to ask her. As for me finding a second, Ive been looking, but every time I get close to someone I start to feel guilty as if Im cheating and maybe I shouldnt be doing what Im doing.

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I agree - at least in part Ygirl.
But the danger - if you think about it - and therefore the need for balance is that if you don't take time to really analyze it - it becomes nothing more than a form of competition. It's one think to want something someone else has because it truly has personal value to us. Quite another to want it just because someone else has it. And ANYTHING we want will come at a cost - and one we must be comfortable with paying - right ?
I know what you mean. One time when she went to the goth club with her gf-I said to myself "dam it if Im going to sit at home and do nothing while shes out having fun. Im going to the gay bar and find a bf" needless to say I had bad motives and ended up feeling worse than I had before.

Originally Posted by Endicott View Post
It was not that he was better than me, but different. One of the beauties in my mind about polyamory is the ability to find those who resonate with those areas of your personality/soul/character that are unfulfilled in a monogamous relationship.
Im alcoholic and grew up in an alcoholic family. I am the first contact my gf has had with alcoholism and its hard for her to relate. I do have friends that relate to me and how I grew up in that way and we do connect in a way that my gf just cant. like you said, one is not better than the other, they are just different. But I dont have sex with my friends. People can relate on a emotional/spiritual level and it doesnt have to be sexual. Thats one of the things I dont get-why is it sexual?

Originally Posted by capricorny View Post
Is it OK for you if I say...
Yes it is ok for you to say ANYTHING. Please question me, call me out on my BS, debate with me, etc. Im here to lean and grow and get different perspectives. So dont be afraid to say anything-please say it!

Thank you for reading and for your feedback
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