At first I simply had to meet Redpepper's husband. You are on the right path!
That was the moment I knew it was possible. In seeing them together I knew they had an immense love. That enabled me to open up. I trust that people speak the truth and have been opened up to a world of love and chosen family. I would have walked away otherwise. Even now Redpepper knows I will pull back from this to better her primary family, she doesn't understand how I can deny that aspect of love for her but knows it is true. I have never loved someone so much that I would sacrifice everything else simply to maintain her friendship.
Her husband and me have also had talks where I expressed my concern over hurting his relationship and we reaffirmed each other in our commitment to the health of everyone involved.
Spend casual time together as a group and get to know each other. This won't work unless they are very good friends in my opinion.
Are there other men involved? This is a huge aspect that he may not want to discuss for fear of sounding possessive. That was always more my concern for sure...that is where jealousy would rear it's destructive head for sure!